Jeannie was there years

before I got there gone

years after I left

 

In Copenhagen I drank and smoked a lot

nobody blamed anyone for anything

we were young and wouldn’t die for years

fucked and ate had friends that weren’t friends

no money everything was new and we didn’t give a shit 

now almost every minute there’s a problem

the phone rings the car bleeps and no one

ever stops talking I wish they would

I know a painter

who’s traveling

for seven years

keeping a journal

taking pictures

Instagraming

then going back

to give lectures

I haven’t been

home for 20 years

I haven’t kept a journal

since I was a teenager

taken a photograph

since I was thirty

and I’ve never painted

thirty years

I'm at the wall

nothing's fun

any more

the last 

thing I 

wanted to 

be in 

Cascais

was awake

just got back from Portugal hopefully

for the last time the dogs bark people

walk around yesterday

there's more places to eat in Cascais

lived there 12 years drowned laptops

in the tub everything costs a million euros

gave away almost everything I had

you can accept fight go away

all the people have the same name

except their parents who had different same names

there was an accident on the bridge

Christ looms over Lisbon 

antenna attached to his skull endless prayers

I went to the beach this weekend

pain is Catholic had a ten gram piece

of Nepalese hash in the safe I sent down from Amsterdam

in the post dogs unhappy

in their dog world humans walking on the line behind

drunk on sleep disease money dogs like money they shit in the park

free bowls of dog water dogs don't know Europe ends at the sea and the Pyrenees

I was happy in Amsterdam people walked dogs drank and smoked 

on terraces now I'm really because slowly

and with suffering disappearing nobody dies and no one

is born in Portugal you are old or young you live with dogs

and you eat what they eat

 I

don't

know