everything

I've believed

was a vitamin

deficiency 

The poets I’ve known

had little time to write

spent years wandering

through cities critically

paranoid unable

to eavesdrop

Here I am

59 years old

haven’t worked

for 30 years

more money

than I can spend

would gladly

fall gently

asleep tonight

knowing I

wouldn’t

wake up

experience is realizing

things are worse

than you've imagined 

not digging 

these people

who need

to dress

up for 

their beliefs

 

Funny thing is

you have to

keep blacking out

to wake up

and when you

don’t wake up

they throw a party

practice makes permanent

every night I fall asleep

every day I wake up

so I can fall asleep

we are a bag of chemicals

fighting to stay alive

some do bad others do good

only through the fear of pain 

do we persist we 

don’t matter the earth

is better without us

Most people live

to long for

their own good

The next day you’re dizzy

soon almost fainting

spend afternoons

in bed you’re tired

I'm a great writer

but I've written nothing

anyone wants to read 

good

as 

dead 

In Amsterdam we lived on Rooseveltlaan

in the Rivierenbuurt our courtyard

was a school’s playground the kids screamed

ran and attacked each other

I went to a hypnotist I’m afraid the plane

will crash but it won’t matter

Clinton was bombing Kosovo

it didn’t matter I walked to the Tollstraat

bought weed and drank tea the weather

was bad I didn’t notice

I was playing music writing poems

time was getting older the poems

and the songs were getting worse

eventually we moved to Koningsstraat

the people were artists the poems got worse

I didn’t play music we moved to Portugal

the people disappeared the weather was good

I noticed but the sun was bad

I didn’t write poems and I didn’t play

I kept going back to Amsterdam

everyone got older and nobody mattered

the weather was bad and I noticed

Lost in that I can’t be found

crossing Campo Pequeno

or riding my scooter

toward the Marginal

under the aqueduct

through Praca Espagna

where Marco sold two

Euro bits of hash

and the boys drank

beer all day

or boarding a plane

to our house in Amsterdam

where my Josh White

and Big Bill Broonzy

CDs were it got

to where I felt at home  

it looks like no one

lives here she said

no one does I said

For twenty three years

there was a leak in the roof

I stuffed it with a plastic bag

when we first moved in

forgot then spent ten years

writing and drinking smoking

while it endlessly rained

mornings hungover on terraces

wandering the east afternoons

leaving the lotus eaters

to laugh alone

one night around eleven

I went out they were still there

what are you doing here they asked

the dumb music blared

I was bored I said

of writing and drinking smoking

no one knew I wrote

I never learned Danish

or Dutch or Portuguese

or French or Spanish

but I lived there 

I asked Rita

if I could

sleep with her

tonight she said

yes 

the right of every man 

to sick himself on the world

no rainbows in the low sky

the water is feared

they resemble the rain

wind torn salt savaged

drinking and smoking

there’s nothing to confess 

fix it if it works  

and if it’s broken

hide it in the shadow

of the Golden Age

 

oh worthless acts of living

January was a death sentence

today it was warm

the sun reminded us

the conversation’s dull

but no one loves them like family

nothing upstairs is a waste of time

even if you can’t read

he fell and wanted more

even though it hurt

there is less

to this new


what they

had in mind

when books

burned


see who’s

scared

to go to bed


before

they’re

tired

 

love


lubEre

libEre


to please

 

la[ng]-

gwij,

-wij

 

hate


kEdos


care


fear

anger

injury


Falling Asleep

 

translated by Ishmael Gomes

 

am I being patient


I dreamed

I couldn’t fly


children seem always about to cry


In Manarola

in that turquoise sea

I floated weightless

and forgot to breath


now I can see more

than what's there


I’m comfortable nowhere

not even asleep

30/6/2005

 

All life is alive and here and continues sun

plucks fire from the deepest cold soul

sleepy with indecision everywhere is talk

in a tower of broken languages the

breeze and the seeds of every plant dying

to live there are only beginnings music

shifts the afternoon from the din of trams

and bicycle bells the peasant German

transparent English still conspires

conquest like a wounded admiral

anesthetized with a loyalty few could

feign anonymity plagues the ego as if

anything humans could create is important

leaves are born from branches shade is

shadows we’ve obstructed the light to

balance our potentials and failures so

easily embarrassed and given way to

police uniforms power confused by

morality’s detonation it’s better to sleep

than to wander for poetry drowned in

dreams there is only laughing and crying

true nature buried in the constant flux of

thought too near the surface of the skull it

escapes through the eyes and mouths of what

promise could perpetuate this species

which for the first time discovers the

ignorance it lives children who frighten

their parents into guilt of them being born


My father I must be far away 

you wished us better

cursed yourself with children

taught me to laugh as you laughed