everything

I've believed

was a vitamin

deficiency 

The poets I’ve known

had little time to write

spent years wandering

through cities critically

paranoid unable

to eavesdrop

Here I am

59 years old

haven’t worked

for 30 years

more money

than I can spend

would gladly

fall gently

asleep tonight

knowing I

wouldn’t

wake up

experience is realizing

things are worse

than you've imagined 

not digging 

these people

who need

to dress

up for 

their beliefs

 

Funny thing is

you have to

keep blacking out

to wake up

and when you

don’t wake up

they throw a party

practice makes permanent

every night I fall asleep

every day I wake up

so I can fall asleep

we are a bag of chemicals

fighting to stay alive

some do bad others do good

only through the fear of pain 

do we persist we 

don’t matter the earth

is better without us

Most people live

to long for

their own good

The next day you’re dizzy

soon almost fainting

spend afternoons

in bed you’re tired

I'm a great writer

but I've written nothing

anyone wants to read 

good

as 

dead 

In Amsterdam we lived on Rooseveltlaan

in the Rivierenbuurt our courtyard

was a school’s playground the kids screamed

ran and attacked each other

I went to a hypnotist I’m afraid the plane

will crash but it won’t matter

Clinton was bombing Kosovo

it didn’t matter I walked to the Tollstraat

bought weed and drank tea the weather

was bad I didn’t notice

I was playing music writing poems

time was getting older the poems

and the songs were getting worse

eventually we moved to Koningsstraat

the people were artists the poems got worse

I didn’t play music we moved to Portugal

the people disappeared the weather was good

I noticed but the sun was bad

I didn’t write poems and I didn’t play

I kept going back to Amsterdam

everyone got older and nobody mattered

the weather was bad and I noticed

Lost in that I can’t be found

crossing Campo Pequeno

or riding my scooter

toward the Marginal

under the aqueduct

through Praca Espagna

where Marco sold two

Euro bits of hash

and the boys drank

beer all day

or boarding a plane

to our house in Amsterdam

where my Josh White

and Big Bill Broonzy

CDs were it got

to where I felt at home  

it looks like no one

lives here she said

no one does I said

For twenty three years

there was a leak in the roof

I stuffed it with a plastic bag

when we first moved in

forgot then spent ten years

writing and drinking smoking

while it endlessly rained

mornings hungover on terraces

wandering the east afternoons

leaving the lotus eaters

to laugh alone

one night around eleven

I went out they were still there

what are you doing here they asked

the dumb music blared

I was bored I said

of writing and drinking smoking

no one knew I wrote

I never learned Danish

or Dutch or Portuguese

or French or Spanish

but I lived there 

I asked Rita

if I could

sleep with her

tonight she said

yes 

the right of every man 

to sick himself on the world

no rainbows in the low sky

the water is feared

they resemble the rain

wind torn salt savaged

drinking and smoking

there’s nothing to confess 

fix it if it works  

and if it’s broken

hide it in the shadow

of the Golden Age

 

oh worthless acts of living

January was a death sentence

today it was warm

the sun reminded us

the conversation’s dull

but no one loves them like family

nothing upstairs is a waste of time

even if you can’t read

he fell and wanted more

even though it hurt

there is less

to this new


what they

had in mind

when books

burned


see who’s

scared

to go to bed


before

they’re

tired